Wednesday, May 5, 2010
How to respond to the silent treatment
The silent treatment works for them, since they "feel" justified in ignoring you and they believe it bothers you. When you take that control out of their hands and refuse to allow their behavior to spoil your happiness/plans/holidays/whatever, then you are regaining the ability to control your own emotions. They can see that you are living a happy life, continuing on with your normal activities, no longer chasing after them begging them to talk to you, cajoling them to join you in activities....and THAT is what causes them to rethink their strategy of punishing you. As long as they believe their punishment is working, they will continue to punish you....
Does that clear it up?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68733.msg1168895#msg1168895
Does that clear it up?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68733.msg1168895#msg1168895
A Response to - What is the difference between an emotional and physical affair?
To me, an emotional affair is closer than a friendship. There also has to be some level of attraction/fascination for it to qualify, but that doesn't mean that all your attractions will become emotional affairs.
Yes, it is hard to qualify, since it deals with emotions that occur inside someone else, which we can't control. Yet the very actions that happen when an emotional affairs occurs are withdrawing, withholding, and secrecy.
To me, an emotional affair takes away or deprives us of something. Time together. Focused attention. It reduces the loving gestures we used to get. It leaves us feeling "less than (important, loved, cared for, secure)" in some way, due to the changes in behavior.
Yes, the secrecy is a huge part of it, since the person hides what they are saying, writing, and doing with the other. Yet we often sense our partners pulling back and away from us, we just didn't trust our instincts (or trusted them too much). When we asked (if we had the courage to ask), we were told to "not worry. To not be so paranoid. That nothing was going on. They are just friends". So we allow ourselves to be soothed and pacified by these reassurances, while we receive less and less of what we crave - closeness and attention from our loved one. The other person seems to get the laughter and joy from our partner, while we get the criticism, complaints, pouting, and unhappy moments.
If there is a real possibility that our partners could/would fall in love with this person, then they are a threat to the relationship. This is especially true, if the other person is single and in need of rescuing, since that brings out the white knight/savior routine, increasing the intensity and ego of our spouses as they engage further and further with this other person.
If it is just a friend, then there is no worry about them replacing us. If there is a worry or possibility of that happening, then we need to become directly involved. If the relationship is innocent, then they should feel free to talk in front of us, share with us the funny text and jokes they trade, have us join them on their little lunches together, go with them on shopping trips, and show us the cute emails and letters they exchange. If our partners aren't willing to do this.... where there is smoke - there is often a fire....
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118667.msg1168943#msg1168943
Yes, it is hard to qualify, since it deals with emotions that occur inside someone else, which we can't control. Yet the very actions that happen when an emotional affairs occurs are withdrawing, withholding, and secrecy.
To me, an emotional affair takes away or deprives us of something. Time together. Focused attention. It reduces the loving gestures we used to get. It leaves us feeling "less than (important, loved, cared for, secure)" in some way, due to the changes in behavior.
Yes, the secrecy is a huge part of it, since the person hides what they are saying, writing, and doing with the other. Yet we often sense our partners pulling back and away from us, we just didn't trust our instincts (or trusted them too much). When we asked (if we had the courage to ask), we were told to "not worry. To not be so paranoid. That nothing was going on. They are just friends". So we allow ourselves to be soothed and pacified by these reassurances, while we receive less and less of what we crave - closeness and attention from our loved one. The other person seems to get the laughter and joy from our partner, while we get the criticism, complaints, pouting, and unhappy moments.
If there is a real possibility that our partners could/would fall in love with this person, then they are a threat to the relationship. This is especially true, if the other person is single and in need of rescuing, since that brings out the white knight/savior routine, increasing the intensity and ego of our spouses as they engage further and further with this other person.
If it is just a friend, then there is no worry about them replacing us. If there is a worry or possibility of that happening, then we need to become directly involved. If the relationship is innocent, then they should feel free to talk in front of us, share with us the funny text and jokes they trade, have us join them on their little lunches together, go with them on shopping trips, and show us the cute emails and letters they exchange. If our partners aren't willing to do this.... where there is smoke - there is often a fire....
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118667.msg1168943#msg1168943
A respnose to - daughter has new love interest
It isn't easy to let go and watch them struggle. Our instincts are to save and to shelter. If you are having a hard time with his, then this is an area that you need to work on. They need our support, not our insecurities.
I triy to use radical acceptance at times like this. I remind myself that I can't to want it more than they do. Cause if that's the case, then they will fail anyways. They really have to want it. If I believe that they don't want it, that is my clue to back off and let go. The decision is theirs, as well as the consequences. We are just spectators. Does that make sense?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118651.msg1169206#msg1169206
I triy to use radical acceptance at times like this. I remind myself that I can't to want it more than they do. Cause if that's the case, then they will fail anyways. They really have to want it. If I believe that they don't want it, that is my clue to back off and let go. The decision is theirs, as well as the consequences. We are just spectators. Does that make sense?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118651.msg1169206#msg1169206
Practicing mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness doesn't have to be a huge production or take time out of your busy day.
Here's one way that I try to do it...
When I take a shower, I try to keep my attention and focus on what it feels like. How the water feels hitting my skin. How the heat soothes my sore muscles. How the scent of my soap smells as I use it. How the wash cloth feels against my skin as it moves across the various body parts. I watch the bubbles as they form and slide around on my skin. I pay attention to the water as it trickles down the side of the shower curtain and walls. Sometimes I just stand perfectly still, with my head down and observe how the water comes off my hair in streams and rivers...
Basically, I enjoy the experience of taking a shower.
My mind is clear of what I'm making for dinner, the many chores I'm forgetting, the plans I need to complete.... My mind is on the moment
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118722.msg1169533#msg1169533
Here's one way that I try to do it...
When I take a shower, I try to keep my attention and focus on what it feels like. How the water feels hitting my skin. How the heat soothes my sore muscles. How the scent of my soap smells as I use it. How the wash cloth feels against my skin as it moves across the various body parts. I watch the bubbles as they form and slide around on my skin. I pay attention to the water as it trickles down the side of the shower curtain and walls. Sometimes I just stand perfectly still, with my head down and observe how the water comes off my hair in streams and rivers...
Basically, I enjoy the experience of taking a shower.
My mind is clear of what I'm making for dinner, the many chores I'm forgetting, the plans I need to complete.... My mind is on the moment
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118722.msg1169533#msg1169533
The endless arguments – how to stop them
We've all been in them - those horrible arguments discussions. You know, the ones that make you want to
They go round and round and round.
Your SO doesn't even make sense half the time.
You're not even sure what you are arguing about
They can go on for hours and hours.
No one ever wins them.
Both people get hurt by them.
You want to pull your hair out
Why do they happen?
Cause our partners are mentally ill and have difficulty expressing themselves in clear enough fashion for us to understand.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and feelings = facts to them.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and they need to control what they can - us.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and can't stand to lose.
Cause we like to "be right" too.
Cause we can't let it go either.
Cause we need to prove our point.
Cause we are too afraid to walk away from the argument.
Cause we want to hurt them back.
Cause we feel trapped - either literally or emotionally.
Cause we hope that we can change their minds.
Cause we hope that we can get them to understand.
Cause we are co-dependent and need to "fix" them and their flawed way of thinking.
How do we stop them?
By taking control of the only thing you can - yourself.
That means that you recognize what is happening - a pointless argument that is going badly and that needs to end - then finding the courage/strength/attitude to take action and take a TIME OUT .
~ You don't wait to win or lose. It's not a competition.
~ You don't worry about how they will respond. This is about protecting yourself - not them.
~ You don't hope that it will end soon. You are not a helpless victim.
~ You don't fear their anger. You have a right to protect yourself from harm.
Write this on something and read it 10 times a day till you firmly get it.
* Don't argue
* Don't defend
* Don't justify
* Don't explain
* Don't counter attack
* Take care of yourself and take a time out.
Do you feel strong enough to stop the argument?
What do you fear if you don't?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.msg1171097#msg1171097
They go round and round and round.
Your SO doesn't even make sense half the time.
You're not even sure what you are arguing about
They can go on for hours and hours.
No one ever wins them.
Both people get hurt by them.
You want to pull your hair out
Why do they happen?
Cause our partners are mentally ill and have difficulty expressing themselves in clear enough fashion for us to understand.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and feelings = facts to them.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and they need to control what they can - us.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and can't stand to lose.
Cause we like to "be right" too.
Cause we can't let it go either.
Cause we need to prove our point.
Cause we are too afraid to walk away from the argument.
Cause we want to hurt them back.
Cause we feel trapped - either literally or emotionally.
Cause we hope that we can change their minds.
Cause we hope that we can get them to understand.
Cause we are co-dependent and need to "fix" them and their flawed way of thinking.
How do we stop them?
By taking control of the only thing you can - yourself.
That means that you recognize what is happening - a pointless argument that is going badly and that needs to end - then finding the courage/strength/attitude to take action and take a TIME OUT .
~ You don't wait to win or lose. It's not a competition.
~ You don't worry about how they will respond. This is about protecting yourself - not them.
~ You don't hope that it will end soon. You are not a helpless victim.
~ You don't fear their anger. You have a right to protect yourself from harm.
Write this on something and read it 10 times a day till you firmly get it.
* Don't argue
* Don't defend
* Don't justify
* Don't explain
* Don't counter attack
* Take care of yourself and take a time out.
Do you feel strong enough to stop the argument?
What do you fear if you don't?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.msg1171097#msg1171097
A Response to - Is he being selfish and cruel? Learning to take care of yourself
Dear, your bf is mentally ill.
He will interpret many things that you do incorrectly.
That doesn't mean that his version is right though.
As the mentally healthier person, we have to be able to look beyond what he says and see the whole picture.
His needs are to abuse you when he is upset.
His needs are to verbally bash you when he feels down.
His needs are to bind you to him when he is lonely or afraid.
His needs are to control what you do/ who you see/ how you do things so that he can feel more in control.
His needs are abusive and unhealthy.
His needs are selfish and childish.
His needs don't consider YOUR needs in any shape or fashion...
Right now, things are unhealthy and hurtful to you, since you are loving him more than you are loving yourself.
When we love ourselves, we don't allow others to abuse us
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118878.msg1171193#msg1171193
He will interpret many things that you do incorrectly.
That doesn't mean that his version is right though.
As the mentally healthier person, we have to be able to look beyond what he says and see the whole picture.
His needs are to abuse you when he is upset.
His needs are to verbally bash you when he feels down.
His needs are to bind you to him when he is lonely or afraid.
His needs are to control what you do/ who you see/ how you do things so that he can feel more in control.
His needs are abusive and unhealthy.
His needs are selfish and childish.
His needs don't consider YOUR needs in any shape or fashion...
Right now, things are unhealthy and hurtful to you, since you are loving him more than you are loving yourself.
When we love ourselves, we don't allow others to abuse us
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118878.msg1171193#msg1171193
A response to - Help me – I’m stuck
I'm glad you brought this up ABD
Many of our members seem to be "stuck" and not moving forward. They discover BPD and that becomes the reason why their life sucks. Everything is blamed on it, even if the dog pees on the floor, it is somehow connected to the fact that our partners have a mental illness "Venting" seems to be the only reason why they come here, and month after month it is the same story, just a different time.
And even if everything was due to the fact that our partners have a serious mental illness - that doesn't take away our responsibility. It's not a "get out of jail for free" card for them or for us.
To me, it all ties in to the idea that we feel helpless to change things....
Luckily we have a really thought provoking article on being a victim. It's a long read, but it is an eye opener to how easy it is to find a convenient label (excuse) and to use it to avoid making any changes ourselves.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90494.0
"Everything would be better if they didn't have BPD"
"they are the ones who are sick"
"it's all their fault"
"I can't change them"
"It's not fair"
"there's nothing I can do to change things - they are mentally ill"
"feel sorry for me - I'm a victim"
It's too easy to blame the other person for all the problems (sound familiar?)
It's too easy to keep doing the same ole thing
It's hard to recognize your own role in things
It's even harder to change the patterns - unless you are really dedicated to changing things.
Does it really matter if it's BPD or just a relationship difference?
Shouldn't we be working on "it", no matter what the cause is?
Yes, understanding what BPD means is important to developing empathy and understanding, but at the end of the day, we are still dealing with relationship issues that need to change.
Finding a solution is where change occurs.
Even after you do change the patterns, it doesn't mean everyone will live happily ever after.
It does mean that you will be healthier though, and if our partners choose to walk the path with us, then there is a chance that there will be a happy ever after...
Nothing changes without changes
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118979.msg1172149#msg1172149
Many of our members seem to be "stuck" and not moving forward. They discover BPD and that becomes the reason why their life sucks. Everything is blamed on it, even if the dog pees on the floor, it is somehow connected to the fact that our partners have a mental illness "Venting" seems to be the only reason why they come here, and month after month it is the same story, just a different time.
And even if everything was due to the fact that our partners have a serious mental illness - that doesn't take away our responsibility. It's not a "get out of jail for free" card for them or for us.
To me, it all ties in to the idea that we feel helpless to change things....
Luckily we have a really thought provoking article on being a victim. It's a long read, but it is an eye opener to how easy it is to find a convenient label (excuse) and to use it to avoid making any changes ourselves.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90494.0
"Everything would be better if they didn't have BPD"
"they are the ones who are sick"
"it's all their fault"
"I can't change them"
"It's not fair"
"there's nothing I can do to change things - they are mentally ill"
"feel sorry for me - I'm a victim"
It's too easy to blame the other person for all the problems (sound familiar?)
It's too easy to keep doing the same ole thing
It's hard to recognize your own role in things
It's even harder to change the patterns - unless you are really dedicated to changing things.
Does it really matter if it's BPD or just a relationship difference?
Shouldn't we be working on "it", no matter what the cause is?
Yes, understanding what BPD means is important to developing empathy and understanding, but at the end of the day, we are still dealing with relationship issues that need to change.
Finding a solution is where change occurs.
Even after you do change the patterns, it doesn't mean everyone will live happily ever after.
It does mean that you will be healthier though, and if our partners choose to walk the path with us, then there is a chance that there will be a happy ever after...
Nothing changes without changes
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118979.msg1172149#msg1172149
Validation samples
This is where VALIDATION comes in.
you = "sorry I'm late honey. Traffic was a nightmare"
her = "you don't really mean that. That was a lame apology. Why can't you say it and really mean it?"
you = "I do mean it! I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it! Traffic just wouldn't go any faster!"
her = "Liar!... blah, blah, blah,".... argument becomes nasty and circular
If this is how a typical conversation goes, the error occurred right here:
you = "I do mean it! I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it! Traffic just wouldn't go any faster!"
This is you trying to explain with facts and reasons why you were late. This is you Invalidating your partner's expressed feelings and emotions. She doesn't really care about the facts - this is purely about her feelings. Trying to combat feelings with facts is like going to a gun fight with a knife - BANG! - you lose.
First of all - don't make things worse, and JADE will help you remember.
Don't justify
Don't accuse
Don't defend
Don't explain
Then, pick the right tool for the job. In this case - VALIDATION
you = "sorry I'm late honey. Traffic was a nightmare"
her = "you don't really mean that. That was a lame apology. Why can't you say it and really mean it?"
you = "what makes you believe I don't mean it?" Tone is critical here, no sarcasm or impatience
her = "cause if you meant it, you would have called me to let me know you were going to be late"
you = " so you were worried?"
her = "you were late and I didn't know where you were or if you were OK"
you = "I can see how my not calling you would upset you. I guess I need to get better at letting you know if I'm held up in traffic so that you don't worry"
by not defending yourself right away, and asking a question, you got more info out of her, so that you could respond to her emotions and feelings, which by the way, were worry, not anger. When we jump to defend ourselves, we aren't really listening....we make things worse... and we create more distance and hurt for both of us.
Tone is critical though. You really have to want to know what's bugging them.
~~warning~~
If your attempts to validate aren't working, then it is time to shift gears and take your
TIME OUT instead... we never validate abuse, so if they go instantly to verbally bashing you and are nasty and critical - don't validate that - take care of yourself and walk away....
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=119059.msg1173004#msg1173004
you = "sorry I'm late honey. Traffic was a nightmare"
her = "you don't really mean that. That was a lame apology. Why can't you say it and really mean it?"
you = "I do mean it! I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it! Traffic just wouldn't go any faster!"
her = "Liar!... blah, blah, blah,".... argument becomes nasty and circular
If this is how a typical conversation goes, the error occurred right here:
you = "I do mean it! I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it! Traffic just wouldn't go any faster!"
This is you trying to explain with facts and reasons why you were late. This is you Invalidating your partner's expressed feelings and emotions. She doesn't really care about the facts - this is purely about her feelings. Trying to combat feelings with facts is like going to a gun fight with a knife - BANG! - you lose.
First of all - don't make things worse, and JADE will help you remember.
Don't justify
Don't accuse
Don't defend
Don't explain
Then, pick the right tool for the job. In this case - VALIDATION
you = "sorry I'm late honey. Traffic was a nightmare"
her = "you don't really mean that. That was a lame apology. Why can't you say it and really mean it?"
you = "what makes you believe I don't mean it?" Tone is critical here, no sarcasm or impatience
her = "cause if you meant it, you would have called me to let me know you were going to be late"
you = " so you were worried?"
her = "you were late and I didn't know where you were or if you were OK"
you = "I can see how my not calling you would upset you. I guess I need to get better at letting you know if I'm held up in traffic so that you don't worry"
by not defending yourself right away, and asking a question, you got more info out of her, so that you could respond to her emotions and feelings, which by the way, were worry, not anger. When we jump to defend ourselves, we aren't really listening....we make things worse... and we create more distance and hurt for both of us.
Tone is critical though. You really have to want to know what's bugging them.
~~warning~~
If your attempts to validate aren't working, then it is time to shift gears and take your
TIME OUT instead... we never validate abuse, so if they go instantly to verbally bashing you and are nasty and critical - don't validate that - take care of yourself and walk away....
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=119059.msg1173004#msg1173004
A Resonse to - I dont know what to do/I lost myself
If you feel lost and that unsure of yourself, then it is time for some major self care
Take a step back from focusing so much on HIM and start to think about YOU...
He can go jump in a lake for a bit while you soak in that tub of self nourishment and healing....
It is so hard loving someone who is mentally ill. It's also so easy to get lost in that bowl of spaghetti.
We need to have on our own oxygen mask so we can do what is right...
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118965.msg1173053#msg1173053
Take a step back from focusing so much on HIM and start to think about YOU...
He can go jump in a lake for a bit while you soak in that tub of self nourishment and healing....
It is so hard loving someone who is mentally ill. It's also so easy to get lost in that bowl of spaghetti.
We need to have on our own oxygen mask so we can do what is right...
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118965.msg1173053#msg1173053
New phobia - ragephobia
This topic started in someone else's thread, but I thought it was important enough to address - so I started a new thread to address it...
"That's cuz the worst happens when we don't prepare for it."
Are you sure about that?
What is "the worst?"
* They leave us? - we rebuild our lives
* They physically assault us? - we heal ourselves apart from them
* They steal or harm our children? - we work at preventing that
* They break and destroy our house/car/possessions? - we can live without those possessions
* They tell lies to our family and friends about us? - those who love us will believe in us
* They scream and yell at us? - we have the choice to walk away
* They punish us by not speaking to us? - we enjoy the silence and work on ourselves
Any of these things are horrible and bad - but they aren't the end of the world. We can rebuild/regain/replace most of it.
I think we allow ourselves to be controlled by our fears.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Mastigophobia- Fear of punishment.
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements.
Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons. (had to throw that one in )
Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
and last but not least...
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to invent a new phobia .....ragephobia- a fear of being raged at, yelled at, criticized, or belittled by our loved one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long-lasting, causes intense physical and psychological distress, and can affect your ability to function normally at home/work or in relationships with others.
No matter what type of phobia you have, it's likely to produce the following reactions:
* A feeling of uncontrollable anxiety when you're exposed to the source of your fear — sitting on an airplane, for instance, or walking into a large party
* The feeling that you must do everything possible to avoid what you fear
* The inability to function normally because of your anxiety
* Often, the knowledge that your fears are unreasonable or exaggerated but feeling powerless to control them
* Physical as well as psychological reactions, including sweating, rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, a feeling of panic and intense anxiety
* In some cases, anxiety just thinking about what you fear
How do you deal with a phobia?
Behavior therapy
Desensitization or exposure therapy focuses on changing your response to the object or situation that you fear. Gradual, repeated exposure to the cause of your phobia may help you learn to conquer your anxiety. For example, if you're afraid of flying, your therapy may progress from simply thinking about flying to looking at pictures of airplanes, to going to an airport, to sitting in an airplane, and finally to taking a flight.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is a more comprehensive form of therapy. It involves working with a therapist to learn ways to view and cope with the feared object or situation differently. You learn alternative beliefs about your fears and the impact they have on your life. There's special emphasis on learning to develop a sense of mastery and control of your thoughts and feelings.
To help you cope with fears:
* Talk openly about fears. Don't trivialize the problem or belittle yourself for being afraid.
* Don't reinforce phobias. Instead, take advantage of opportunities to help overcome your fears.
* Pursue positive approaches. learn to breathe deeply and repeat positive statements such as "I can do this" when facing something scary. rate the fear on a scale of 1 to 10. Recognizing that the fear rates only a 5 on the scale, for example, may help you see the feeling as being less overwhelming.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=119083.msg1173162#msg1173162
"That's cuz the worst happens when we don't prepare for it."
Are you sure about that?
What is "the worst?"
* They leave us? - we rebuild our lives
* They physically assault us? - we heal ourselves apart from them
* They steal or harm our children? - we work at preventing that
* They break and destroy our house/car/possessions? - we can live without those possessions
* They tell lies to our family and friends about us? - those who love us will believe in us
* They scream and yell at us? - we have the choice to walk away
* They punish us by not speaking to us? - we enjoy the silence and work on ourselves
Any of these things are horrible and bad - but they aren't the end of the world. We can rebuild/regain/replace most of it.
I think we allow ourselves to be controlled by our fears.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Mastigophobia- Fear of punishment.
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements.
Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons. (had to throw that one in )
Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
and last but not least...
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to invent a new phobia .....ragephobia- a fear of being raged at, yelled at, criticized, or belittled by our loved one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long-lasting, causes intense physical and psychological distress, and can affect your ability to function normally at home/work or in relationships with others.
No matter what type of phobia you have, it's likely to produce the following reactions:
* A feeling of uncontrollable anxiety when you're exposed to the source of your fear — sitting on an airplane, for instance, or walking into a large party
* The feeling that you must do everything possible to avoid what you fear
* The inability to function normally because of your anxiety
* Often, the knowledge that your fears are unreasonable or exaggerated but feeling powerless to control them
* Physical as well as psychological reactions, including sweating, rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, a feeling of panic and intense anxiety
* In some cases, anxiety just thinking about what you fear
How do you deal with a phobia?
Behavior therapy
Desensitization or exposure therapy focuses on changing your response to the object or situation that you fear. Gradual, repeated exposure to the cause of your phobia may help you learn to conquer your anxiety. For example, if you're afraid of flying, your therapy may progress from simply thinking about flying to looking at pictures of airplanes, to going to an airport, to sitting in an airplane, and finally to taking a flight.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is a more comprehensive form of therapy. It involves working with a therapist to learn ways to view and cope with the feared object or situation differently. You learn alternative beliefs about your fears and the impact they have on your life. There's special emphasis on learning to develop a sense of mastery and control of your thoughts and feelings.
To help you cope with fears:
* Talk openly about fears. Don't trivialize the problem or belittle yourself for being afraid.
* Don't reinforce phobias. Instead, take advantage of opportunities to help overcome your fears.
* Pursue positive approaches. learn to breathe deeply and repeat positive statements such as "I can do this" when facing something scary. rate the fear on a scale of 1 to 10. Recognizing that the fear rates only a 5 on the scale, for example, may help you see the feeling as being less overwhelming.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=119083.msg1173162#msg1173162
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)