Adapted from
In the middle ages, that romantic time of knights in shining armor, men would challenge each other to fights by throwing their gauntlet (glove) on the ground. The person challenged then had the choice to either pick up the gauntlet - and therefore agree to battle - or walk away. The challenger would often throw in some juicy insults to help motivate the person challenged to agree to fight with them.
The interesting thing about that story, is that the person challenged had a choice in how they responded to that thrown gauntlet. It was very clear what the other person wanted - a fight (for whatever reason) - but it was also clear that the person challenged didn't have to fight unless they felt like it.
When a challenge is presented (the gauntlet is thrown down) - people who chose to fight do so for a few reasons: because they believe they can win, or to defend themselves or someone they care about. Our disordered loved ones present this option to us all the time. We are constantly having the gauntlet thrown at our feet. We just haven't learned to see it as such, therefore we weren't aware that we have a choice on whether we wish to pick it up or not.
Choice is a funny thing. Sometimes it's hard to see that you have one. Kind of like the bird that finally has the cage door thrown open, they don't recognize that they now have a chance for freedom. We need to recognize that we do have choices in how we respond to things. We don't HAVE to argue. We don't HAVE to discuss things. We don't HAVE to stay to be abused. We don't HAVE to stay awake. We don't HAVE to engage in intimacies.
Since love isn't suppose to be about winning or losing, why do we so often find it necessary to pick up that gauntlet?
The interesting thing about that story, is that the person challenged had a choice in how they responded to that thrown gauntlet. It was very clear what the other person wanted - a fight (for whatever reason) - but it was also clear that the person challenged didn't have to fight unless they felt like it.
When a challenge is presented (the gauntlet is thrown down) - people who chose to fight do so for a few reasons: because they believe they can win, or to defend themselves or someone they care about. Our disordered loved ones present this option to us all the time. We are constantly having the gauntlet thrown at our feet. We just haven't learned to see it as such, therefore we weren't aware that we have a choice on whether we wish to pick it up or not.
Choice is a funny thing. Sometimes it's hard to see that you have one. Kind of like the bird that finally has the cage door thrown open, they don't recognize that they now have a chance for freedom. We need to recognize that we do have choices in how we respond to things. We don't HAVE to argue. We don't HAVE to discuss things. We don't HAVE to stay to be abused. We don't HAVE to stay awake. We don't HAVE to engage in intimacies.
Since love isn't suppose to be about winning or losing, why do we so often find it necessary to pick up that gauntlet?
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