Boundaries are how we protect ourselves.
They aren't rules for someone else, they are about how we chose to take care of ourselves.
I like the eyelash analogy.
Eyelashes are to protect the eye from harm. They keep dirt and dust out. Eyelashes don't try to control or punish the dirt, they just work to keep them away.
Boundaries work the same way. They protect us from harm. They keep abuse and danger away from us. Boundaries don't try to control or punish others, they just work to keep danger and pain away.
People are always asking "so what are some good examples of boundaries?"
There are 2 parts to boundaries, the words and thoughts we use (since boundaries don't have to be verbalized) and the actions we take to protect ourselves. To be effective, you have to believe that you have a right to protect yourself and to follow through with a realistic action.
Some examples of boundaries:
(words/thoughts) I will not ride in a car with someone who drives dangerously - (action) I will take my own car.
(words/thoughts) I will not be in a relationship if there is any cheating going on - (action) you leave the relationship
(words/thoughts) I will not listen to someone yelling or screaming at me - (action) I will take a time out or hang up.
(words/thoughts) I will eat my dinner when it is done - (action) I will not wait for others to eat.
(words/thoughts) I will pay X amount towards bills that I feel are necessary -(action) I will not pay for any extras.
(words/thoughts) I will clean up a messes "I" make -(action) I will ignore messes I don't make.
(words/thoughts) I will wash clothes that are in the laundry room - (actions) I will not go get yours for you.
(word/thoughts) I can only receive 2 phone calls while at work - (actions) I will repeat my 2 phone call limit and hang up.
Do you see how in all of these boundaries I am "not" telling the other person how to behave, what to do or not do or in any way trying to dictate to them how to live their life. I am clearly controlling that which I can -- myself.
They aren't rules for someone else, they are about how we chose to take care of ourselves.
I like the eyelash analogy.
Eyelashes are to protect the eye from harm. They keep dirt and dust out. Eyelashes don't try to control or punish the dirt, they just work to keep them away.
Boundaries work the same way. They protect us from harm. They keep abuse and danger away from us. Boundaries don't try to control or punish others, they just work to keep danger and pain away.
People are always asking "so what are some good examples of boundaries?"
There are 2 parts to boundaries, the words and thoughts we use (since boundaries don't have to be verbalized) and the actions we take to protect ourselves. To be effective, you have to believe that you have a right to protect yourself and to follow through with a realistic action.
Some examples of boundaries:
(words/thoughts) I will not ride in a car with someone who drives dangerously - (action) I will take my own car.
(words/thoughts) I will not be in a relationship if there is any cheating going on - (action) you leave the relationship
(words/thoughts) I will not listen to someone yelling or screaming at me - (action) I will take a time out or hang up.
(words/thoughts) I will eat my dinner when it is done - (action) I will not wait for others to eat.
(words/thoughts) I will pay X amount towards bills that I feel are necessary -(action) I will not pay for any extras.
(words/thoughts) I will clean up a messes "I" make -(action) I will ignore messes I don't make.
(words/thoughts) I will wash clothes that are in the laundry room - (actions) I will not go get yours for you.
(word/thoughts) I can only receive 2 phone calls while at work - (actions) I will repeat my 2 phone call limit and hang up.
Do you see how in all of these boundaries I am "not" telling the other person how to behave, what to do or not do or in any way trying to dictate to them how to live their life. I am clearly controlling that which I can -- myself.
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