We've all been in them - those horrible arguments discussions. You know, the ones that make you want to
They go round and round and round.
Your SO doesn't even make sense half the time.
You're not even sure what you are arguing about
They can go on for hours and hours.
No one ever wins them.
Both people get hurt by them.
You want to pull your hair out
Why do they happen?
Cause our partners are mentally ill and have difficulty expressing themselves in clear enough fashion for us to understand.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and feelings = facts to them.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and they need to control what they can - us.
Cause our partners are mentally ill and can't stand to lose.
Cause we like to "be right" too.
Cause we can't let it go either.
Cause we need to prove our point.
Cause we are too afraid to walk away from the argument.
Cause we want to hurt them back.
Cause we feel trapped - either literally or emotionally.
Cause we hope that we can change their minds.
Cause we hope that we can get them to understand.
Cause we are co-dependent and need to "fix" them and their flawed way of thinking.
How do we stop them?
By taking control of the only thing you can - yourself.
That means that you recognize what is happening - a pointless argument that is going badly and that needs to end - then finding the courage/strength/attitude to take action and take a TIME OUT .
~ You don't wait to win or lose. It's not a competition.
~ You don't worry about how they will respond. This is about protecting yourself - not them.
~ You don't hope that it will end soon. You are not a helpless victim.
~ You don't fear their anger. You have a right to protect yourself from harm.
Write this on something and read it 10 times a day till you firmly get it.
* Don't argue
* Don't defend
* Don't justify
* Don't explain
* Don't counter attack
* Take care of yourself and take a time out.
Do you feel strong enough to stop the argument?
What do you fear if you don't?
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.msg1171097#msg1171097
To create peace, one must walk the path. Doing the right thing, is often times, not easy.
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