A response to - Help me – I’m stuck

I'm glad you brought this up ABD

Many of our members seem to be "stuck" and not moving forward. They discover BPD and that becomes the reason why their life sucks. Everything is blamed on it, even if the dog pees on the floor, it is somehow connected to the fact that our partners have a mental illness "Venting" seems to be the only reason why they come here, and month after month it is the same story, just a different time.

And even if everything was due to the fact that our partners have a serious mental illness - that doesn't take away our responsibility. It's not a "get out of jail for free" card for them or for us.

To me, it all ties in to the idea that we feel helpless to change things....
Luckily we have a really thought provoking article on being a victim. It's a long read, but it is an eye opener to how easy it is to find a convenient label (excuse) and to use it to avoid making any changes ourselves.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90494.0

"Everything would be better if they didn't have BPD"
"they are the ones who are sick"
"it's all their fault"
"I can't change them"
"It's not fair"
"there's nothing I can do to change things - they are mentally ill"
"feel sorry for me - I'm a victim"


It's too easy to blame the other person for all the problems (sound familiar?)
It's too easy to keep doing the same ole thing
It's hard to recognize your own role in things
It's even harder to change the patterns - unless you are really dedicated to changing things.

Does it really matter if it's BPD or just a relationship difference?
Shouldn't we be working on "it", no matter what the cause is?

Yes, understanding what BPD means is important to developing empathy and understanding, but at the end of the day, we are still dealing with relationship issues that need to change.
Finding a solution is where change occurs.

Even after you do change the patterns, it doesn't mean everyone will live happily ever after.
It does mean that you will be healthier though, and if our partners choose to walk the path with us, then there is a chance that there will be a happy ever after...

Nothing changes without changes


http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118979.msg1172149#msg1172149